They say Sin City is one of the cities that never sleep, yet my grandmother sits on a deathbed awaiting her final breaths before Death’s elegant kiss. But I’ve made my peace with the woman who never saw me grow from a boy to a man, but I know she’d be proud. Goodbye Grandma, you will be missed.

I have multiple sclerosis? Won’t know til we make the appointment :(. Losing 2 inches waist and almost 2 shirt sizes in a month isn’t to great. MS explains the parasthesia, spasticity, equilibrium imbalance, loss of appetite, and depression/hostileness. Wish me luck :S I hate having all the bad genes in the family :S

I’m avoiding my mother,

My father came by this morning to speak to me,

It was the most conversation about life me and my father ever have had,

and it made me happy,

though it hurt me to be letting out all these anger issues and what not.

Before I could come clean with some things,

a customer calls out “Cash Out”,

I procede to clear out the customer’s points on the machine while dad clears a stuck bill on another one.

I go outside for a smoke,

He comes out and I can’t even talk straight and I tell him

“I know you’re mad that I smoke cigarettes and weed now,”
He intervenes “No, I’m not mad. You’re an adult now and it’s your life, and it’s your mother and my influence that caused it.”
I reply, “No, it’s not just that. It’s medicinal… there’s a reason I’ve shrunk drastically in my weight in 2 months.”

(I’ve gone from a 2XL too an XL which loosely fit now, but I had been for the most part since Spring, a size 2x.There’s  a reason I shaved my head. I smoke to control my appetite so I can eat, most days I have to pretend to like what I’m eating, and force it down. Even my most favorite foods, I can’t stomach.)

….. “I’ve lost weight, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat so I smoke to get hungry. And my hand’s always hurt now, they either lock up or the nerves flare in pain.”

He looks at me with a concerned face, and my dad’s face is usually stoic at all times.

So I told my dad what’s wrong with my health,

but I don’t have an official opinion from a doctor, just a nurse,

and whatever I’ve researched online.

All signs point to multiple sclerosis.

Chronic Paresthesia (the pain in my hands, it can’t be carpal tunnel because it’s both hands, and my sister has rheumatoid arthritis and my dad has similar hand problems),

but I also have

Weight loss

Metabolism problems

Insomnia

Manic Depression

Nosebleeds

Equilibrium imbalance

We’ll try to figure out what’s wrong with me.

I hate bothering my parent’s with money,

but this is serious.

But still,

I’m avoiding my own mother,

I can’t stand her,

she’s condescending, unsupportive, cynical,

but at least my dad know’s why I’ve been such a dick with my attitude and emotions.

Being in pain 24/7 isn’t easy.

Tomorrow, Saturday January 9th, there will be an open house and public hearing regarding the Draft Environmental Impact Statement released by the Dept. of Defense and Joint Guam Programming Office on November 20th.

This 11,000 page document details how the environment as well as community and economy of Guam and the entire Marianas will be affected by the military buildup.

I’ll be speaking during the testimonials at UOG.

On November 13th, I was described by the Mariana’s Variety’s Editor in the Op/Ed section of the MV as the “lone voice” and “lone student” who spoke up and questioned the “talking heads” at the UOG sponsored Community and Economic Development Forum @ The Sheraton Resort (which sadly, not many UOG students attended).

Reeling off of that story, Dr. Robert Underwood’s response, and the words of fellow students, activists, and educators, I’ll be delivering a short speech tomorrow @ UOG in regards to empowering youth to become more educated about the coming changes, and I’ll also be touching on how misrepresentation in government stems from lack of participation by the governed.

Anyone who see’s this tumblr post, I encourage you to come out to UOG, around 5PM to see what’s going on.

A transcript of my speech will be available via Guamology.com and on this tumblr sometime later.

Peace,

Are we just working till a day we decide we’ve had enough? All along We were strong enough To be sick of it, And put them back in their fucking place. Never asked for this responsibility We were never in this… Together…

I read comic books and status updates more than books.

I used to be the bookworm,

I was probably the only kid in my middle school who knew about the Hitchiker’s Guide series. I remember having a conversation with that librarian, who on most days is mean, but she was nice to me realizing I was actually going in there and immersing myself in literature. It was in 7th or 8th grade when I fell in love with the works of Orson Scott Card, George Orwell, Faulkner, and Arthur Miller.

High School:

I’d finally meet people that actually read quality material,classical stuff and modern stuff too.

It was a great thing that me and my friends, our hangout was the bench in the same hallway as the library. Library had aircon and internet, but I would spend time when I wanted to be alone, diving into the works of writers and poets such as  John Steinbeck, Tolstoy, Hemingway, Emily Bronte, Dickinson, Petrarch, Frost, Joseph Heller, Poe, Koontz, Dante, Homer, Virgil, JOHN MILTON!, Salinger,

I used to read so much.

I need to read again.

Hrm, Milton.. should read that again soon.

Paradise Lost

Good place to start.

Hmm, I never finished The Prince by Machiavelli

and bleh, honestly I could never get into Victor Hugo’s stuff :S Les Miserables.. I just watched the movie and BS’d that book report!

I had to do a report for English 11 honors back in 2005, on The Hound of Baskerville (Sherlock Holmes),

that took me forever to digest.

BTW, Guy Richie, I love your work in Snatch, Rock N Rolla, and Lock/Stock…. but honestly, Sherlock Holmes didn’t do justice to your other works, or to Sir Arthur!